Pound is only worth less if you're foreign.

The pound is only worth less if you have the misfortune to be born a foreigner, the chancellor has assured Britain.

Kwasi Kwarteng has stated that the plummeting value of the pound is of no concern to Britons as it will still buy them the same amount of marvelous British cheeses or jams.

He continued: “Other countries say our currency is worth less. Well of course they do. They’re just jealous.

“They’re jealous of our fortitude, our grit, pluck, and spunk, our visionary Brexit, and our new, radical economics that will see our country roar past theirs any day now. So they do us down.

“They’ll charge us more for goods from their countries, which by definition are rubbish we don’t want. And they’d pay less for our exports if we hadn’t cunningly anticipated that by making exporting almost impossible.

“Just ignore their sneering continental attitudes and the ridiculous posturing of Ol’ Wokie Biden. The pound is worth whatever we say it is, and I say it’s the best currency in the whole wide world.”

Wayne Hayes of Northampton said: “How dare they say that about our pounds when they’ve got the Queen on.”